I speak PIDGIN

This as with one of my previous posts starts in the mens room of a central London establishment, the man in the toilet resurfaces, this time he justs asks me where I’m from as in origin. I reply to him in my private school educated working class English accent that I’m Nigerian.
To which his eyes light up WHERE? WHERE? WHERE?
I tell him Kogi and Ibadan but I was born here.
The guy is like so You don’t speak Yoruba at ALL Looking at me like I was nothing.
I wanted to shout at him like (SHARRRAP WHA ARE YOU DOING CLEAING TOILET), in a serious African accent reminiscent of the jokes I shared with Kwaps in Japan.
But instead
I was like of course I speak Yoruba , in reallity I can blag Yoruba for about 2 seconds but I understand it though as with most british born Naija boys and ggirls. He tried to test me with the most basic of phrases to which I reply in my full Nigerian accent. I earn the toilet mans approval but now I can expect full blown Yoruba jisting so when I see him in the toilet today- yeah its weekly- I will no doubt all but lose his approval.
Anyway as you should know Je parle ein biss chen Nihongo. I speak some Japanese and a little bit of a couple of other languages.
I’m just indicating that I am learning Yoruba and Pidgin Englishwhich I basically know but I have to practice. I’m so into other cultures so I want to learn and discover mine. I have native speakers to practice on Ooodles of over acted films thanks to Nollywood and failing that, if I get on a bus there WILL be a Yoruba woman talking loudly on her phone somewhere that I can listen to for practice.

cause for a delay

I'm sorry Ladies and Gentlemen but the Jubilee line service is experiencing major delays because there is somebody under a train at Wembley. This paints the picture that there is a protester like person who is deliberately holding up the jubilee line eastbound service for their own cause. In reality a poor soul has decided that there life is too much, that they can't live anymore and I don't like they way this poor human is reduced to an obstacle and not a living breathing person. -I know that once they are under the train that they are not a living breathing person any more , but I hope you understand my point. They are being put into the same category as the wrong kind of snow , faulty signals and leaves on the track and in my opinion this isn't right. To be honest I think I am hearing that there is a person under the train more and more these days, which is depressing I can't help but think about the repercussions the relatives, the friends the witnesses the driver even. On hearing the common announcement that my journey home was being delayed because somebody was under the train, I was this close (imagine me holding my thumb and index finger poised in a way that they were separated by the size of a cashew nut, that close) to giving a rising dragon uppercut to my fellow commuter, who commented that it was a selfish thing to do.

I agree it is inconvenient to wait an extra 10 minutes for the tube , but somebody just died, somebody decided to jump in front of a tube to a gruesome but quick death, like where is the compassion these days. God forbid somebody you know where to meet this fate that somebody were tortured by so many demons that they snapped and leaped on the northern line.
I'm just urging you that next time you hear that there is somebody under the train that you don't just shrug it off as a minor inconvenience but spare a thought for what got this person under there and if you are of the disposition pray for their soul

The man in the toilet

The title reads like a horror story for little kids that has them afraid to sit on the toilet , and to be honest the truth is not far from this. In venues all around the UK lurks the man in the toilet, the man in the toilet has fully grown party goers apprehensive of making any kind of deposit in the bank of toilet. They say sometimes as you leave you can hear him " No spray ,No lay" he chants "No soap ,no hope" he wails .Ghastly isn't it.

Where do they get the lines from really? because they all say the same thing ,do they receive it in there training manual? is there a group seminar where the chief Man in the toilet presents new lyrics to the other toilet men? Freshen up for the Punani! for real. I mean if you didn't "freshen up for the punani" at home there isn't much hope for you in a dirty seedy toilet now is there.

All this advice would be pretty good before you leave your house , you could have no soap no hope on top of your door which would probably prevent some of the B.O ravers on the dancefloor.

Anyway on the other hand I know none of the toilet men really want to be toilet men but times are hard and money needs to be made, but those lines aye- they have to go my friend

i don't drink much so i usually donate a pound to the toilet man fund in exchange for peace and quiet and a chuppa chups.
it is a good idea to have a man in the toilet to keep it clean and so you can top up your deodorant or your aftershave or just to get some gum or whatever is useful and for this service i would pay a fee you know a smart pound makes sense.

How much do they make anyway?

BUT to give me towel paper to dry my hands which is the only way i can dry my hands ,because you somehow sabotaged the hand dryers and stole all the towel paper does not deserve money. I can wash my hands all by myself. I've been a big boy for a while.

Ps you got these guys in India, well at least mumbai airport and in Bangkok and probably all over the world with rhymes galore
I

Okay ,now i'm really back

So only a week after I arrived back from the UK me and a couple of my boys separately went to Thailand spending our time in Bangkok and Kho Phangan and now we are back, I'm not going into great depth on the holiday right now becasue erm WHITSIT you understand, well not really it wasn't that kind of holiday but lets say I may randomly mention a few things that happened at some points. But when somebody says there are Ladyboys in Thailand and that it is seedy believe them because it is, I swear I saw more thai ladyboys out there than actual thao females and I never even went to Pattaya and I know the going rate of a good time in Kho phangan and No I did not ask. Great time and I need to go again and see more thailand.

I had my first day of work yesterday which nearly finished me off, yeah first day after 4 months is hard.
Also found out that the designer roll on you get in those christmas packs no matter what designer they are, do not work properly, Thank God I had back up because yeah, that wouldn't have been a great first impression. I've had a lot to write but havent dragged myself to this page to write them but I'll see if I can continue to express my self throught this page. I tell you for one thing my mind was so clear in Kyoto and coming back there is this cloud which takes over my head blocks my vision and my thoughts. I think they call it gloom or maybe I just suffer from a form of SADS seasonal bla bla bla, but i's not seasonal it's regional.

now that I'm back

I think to write this post is to accept that I am sitting in GMT in LDN on my ASS.
I was greeted at the airport by the lil brother running towards you at the welcome gate whch you see on the films. It always fills everyone with emotion when you see it but it is the best welcome home you can get. Obviously I have the brother who didnt run, but we know the sentiment is there.

trains are delayed 5 minutes of arriving tubes are broken down, this line is closed, that line is on vacation. In my whole time in Japan I had one late subway train and i think that was due to a suicide. Couldn't be helped. I've generally caught up with the timing but still feel tired I am awake now at 7.30 which used to be my 15:30

usually when you wake up from a dream though you can never get back point is it feels literally like my time in Japan wasa dream I mean it's all memory now, 2 months has passed and I'm back to London and nothing has changed everything is basically in its same place, except for the keys to my bike lock :( The truth is I dn't need Di caprio to jump into my head and recreate this dream.

If i go back to reading from the post i wrote on the day I left, up till now what would I do, if one tink I'll try and document what goes on in the london.

not sayonara more like mata ne

Just to end it, just to finish it off. It's my last few hours in Kyoto, I get picked up at 5.45 am and go to Osaka Airport for 7 30 to fly to UK and I'll arrive on Monday evening. All very clinical all very painful. I am going to be very happy to see people that have been missed but not places. Like I'll keep it brief as I need 4 hours sleep im not looking to miss my pickup.
I loved it more than I imagined, I never got sick of it. I do hate cockroaches and Smoking in public places but I think this is the one for me. I have the N2 Japanese exam which I really want to take in Winter so I'm going to track that process . need to step up my level more and more. I have improved a lot since I've been here. WOuld like to thank those that made the trip a lot more comfortable Kwapeesh and Ryuukyuuchan and my mother and father. School and accomodation and financial balancing in times of need. Erm yeah I start work on 1st of August.I'll get back to ths when I arrive in cooler UK .
SAD

Intruder

He picked the wrong house I just wasn't in the mood it was late I had just come home from my friends house literally around the corner, what are the odds aye??
Basically I have no idea how he got in because the door was locked , there is a garage linked to my house so maybe he worked in his way through some trap door,but either way I don't care. In Japan crime rate is pretty low and people don't usually break into peoples houses, another tick on the Pros list. I'm going to assume that he was intoxicated or on something because he actually thought I didn't notice him and to be honest I didn't at first but the idiot tried to hide like he was a fly or something. The space under the stairs is pretty big I mean i can fit but I would stick out. He wasn't as big as me but (no homo) the idiot looked like he could lift his body weight several times over, i could see ridiculous strength, i think pound for pound he could take me but I was a lot larger and I wasn't in the mood for a long drawn out fight.

i pretended I didn't see him and he bought it (intoxication maybe) I went upstairs to wear I keep my weaponry.
I carefully walked down the stairs like i was going to toilet and just as i got to the bottom of the stairs. I went for him couldn't even walk straight he tried to go for me but i sidestepped and he stumbled then the bloody Cockroach went under the fridge but I'm sure he's dead that spray is effective.I went in with that spray but kept a distance in case he made a last ditch attempt at my life

Yeah cockroach!! I've seen like 2 this week but I hate them. i wish I was raised in Nigeria for a few years so they wouldn't bother me s much but boy I can't live with them. It ain't my fault either this house is old and dark and stuff so don't think I'm a mess because I don't have no cockroaches at home. it's an old wooden house summer thing i guess.